I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
