dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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