I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
