I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
