ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
