I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
