Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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