Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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