I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
