Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
