If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
