i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
