So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
