not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize