He is like the real live version of the state fair..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
