im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
