where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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