I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
