i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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