After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
