The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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