i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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