i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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