it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
