I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
