Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
