ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
