he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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