Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
