Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
