God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Come on in and take your pants off
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
