I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
