a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize