Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
