My first STD was from a foam party
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
