Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
