How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
