Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
why do cheetos always look like penises
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
