No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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