We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
