So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
