I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
