just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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