do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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