There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize