; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
