tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
