3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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