i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize