Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
