my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
