apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
