My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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