.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize