That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
