you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The Olympian is in my bed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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