My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
