We're facebook friends in real life
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
