piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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