we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
