it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
