Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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