i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
