yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Found the puke drawer
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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