He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
