Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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