do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
