So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
