Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
