There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
