I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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