Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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