You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
