Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thank you for not boning my boss.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize