i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
