Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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