It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
