I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
