we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
