When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
