I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
