We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
