i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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