I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize