I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
