Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
