I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
