it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
