We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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