I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
