I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
