saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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