Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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