Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
