Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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