It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
