i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
