I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We smell like vodka and hangover
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
