A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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