Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize