He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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