I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
