what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
