and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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