I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He passed out mid-signature
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
