i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
