I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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