i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i think i just lost a toe
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
